Sadness and guilt
My grandparents isn't feeling too well. Yeye is kinda sick with flu and I was kinda afraid it was a relapse of his pneumonia. Mama is always feeling tired and weak. And both of them have lost appetite and hence, lost a lot of weight.
It's kinda hard looking after them. Dad's busy with shift work and tennis. Mum's working and on top of that, still have to do the house chores which isn't easy. Then bro it's so busy too with work, meetings and stuff.
Which leaves me. But exam is in the way and I can't wait for that last paper to be over. It has been hard for me to deal with so much worries and I really admit that all these happenings in the house had made me so close to give up studying. Especially this year, I know I haven't entirely put in effort. Sometimes I feel numbed about doing well or not. It's like the I-don't-know-and-don't-care-anymore attitude.
I feel the frustration. You know like when you are studying.. then there's those interruption and distractions. Like it's raining and you got to help bring in the clothes. After meals, you gotta wash all the dishes. Then when grandparents are feeling depressed and talk about the other world, you gotta comfort them tell them to be strong etc. And not forgetting hearing the not too nice arguments because of the stress and frustration of others as well.
I am not complaining of doing things or the burden on me. I just feel sad and guilty that the past few months that I haven't been doing enough. Like helping around with the house chores and spending more time with my grandparents as I really love them a lot.
After that freaking last paper, I gotta remember my reponsibilties and the part I have to play.
It's time.
It's kinda hard looking after them. Dad's busy with shift work and tennis. Mum's working and on top of that, still have to do the house chores which isn't easy. Then bro it's so busy too with work, meetings and stuff.
Which leaves me. But exam is in the way and I can't wait for that last paper to be over. It has been hard for me to deal with so much worries and I really admit that all these happenings in the house had made me so close to give up studying. Especially this year, I know I haven't entirely put in effort. Sometimes I feel numbed about doing well or not. It's like the I-don't-know-and-don't-care-anymore attitude.
I feel the frustration. You know like when you are studying.. then there's those interruption and distractions. Like it's raining and you got to help bring in the clothes. After meals, you gotta wash all the dishes. Then when grandparents are feeling depressed and talk about the other world, you gotta comfort them tell them to be strong etc. And not forgetting hearing the not too nice arguments because of the stress and frustration of others as well.
I am not complaining of doing things or the burden on me. I just feel sad and guilty that the past few months that I haven't been doing enough. Like helping around with the house chores and spending more time with my grandparents as I really love them a lot.
After that freaking last paper, I gotta remember my reponsibilties and the part I have to play.
It's time.
posted by Clovvy at
1:37 PM
